I Love Cinema, but These 10 Movies Are Genuinely Not Worth Your Time

I Love Cinema, but These 10 Movies Are Genuinely Not Worth Your Time Image via Walt Disney Studios Motion Pictures By  Robert Lee III Published 19 minutes ago Writing from the Chicagoland area in Illinois, Robert is an avid movie watcher and will take just about any excuse to find time to go to his local movie theaters. Robert graduated from Bradley University with degrees in Journalism and Game Design with a minor in Film Studies. Robert tries his best to keep up with all the latest movie releases, from those released in theaters to those released on streaming. While he doesn't always keep up with the latest TV shows, he makes it a goal to watch nearly every major new release possible. He has been honing his craft and following any and all movie news all his life, leading up to now, where he has a vast knowledge of film and film history. He also logs every movie that he watches on his Letterboxd page, and has hosted a weekly online movie night with his closest friends for over 6 years. Sign in to your Collider account follow Follow followed Followed Like Like Thread Log in Here is a fact-based summary of the story contents: Try something different: Show me the facts Explain it like I’m 5 Give me a lighthearted recap

As someone who has deeply appreciated cinema for the majority of my life and continues to foster my relationship with films, both newly released and all-time classics, I understand that the vast majority have something to offer. Even in most of the films I don't particularly enjoy, I, for the most part, can find a few positives or attributes that make the overall experience worthwhile, even having fun watching some of the worst movies of all time.

However, with so many movies out there, there are, of course, exceptions to the rule that simply don't provide any reason or benefit to watching them. While even notorious trainwrecks like Dragonball Evolution and War of the Worlds can be fun to watch (even if just to ridicule them), the movies on this list don't even give audiences any reason to watch them. Instead, they do little more than waste the audience's time, to the point where you might even feel bad merely for daring to give them an opportunity.

10 'Meet the Spartans' (2008)

A scene from Meet the SpartansImage via 20th Century Studios

Overly raunchy, pop culture-reliant spoof movies were seemingly inescapable during the 2000s. While the likes of Scary Movie and Not Another Teen Movie found success in parodying their respective genres, Meet the Spartans is about as lazy and unfunny as a spoof movie can get. The notoriously terrible parody film sets out to combine the premises of 300 and Meet the Parents, throwing in a wide array of other baseless references as part of the plot as well.

I can't even imagine someone who greatly enjoys both 300 and Meet the Parents getting anything out of Meet the Spartans, as it truly has no care for the films it's supposedly parodying. Instead, it just sticks to the most predictable, raunchy humor imaginable. Raunchy humor is inherently bad, as many great comedies, even great parodies, have found success in telling crass, obscene jokes. However, Meet the Spartans simply has the comedic stylings of a teenager whose entire sense of humor is nothing but sex, violence, and pop culture references, with the shtick getting old before the movie even starts.

9 'The Murder of Nicole Brown Simpson' (2019)

Mena Nuvari as Nicole Brown Simpson looking scared in her home in 'The Murder of Nicole Brown Simpson' (2019)Image via Quiver Distribution

Considering just how massive of a subgenre true crime became throughout the 2010s, it's no wonder that there are several inadequate films that attempted to capitalize on this trend in larger culture. While many bad films can be attributed to this trend-chasing, The Murder of Nicole Brown Simpson stands out among the rest by being unmistakably morally corrupt with its concept and execution of the real-life tragedy. It's one thing to recreate and flourish one of the most infamous murder cases of the last 40 years, but it's another thing entirely to tell a fictional version of the story that sees O.J. Simpson as innocent.

It's a disgusting and morally distasteful crime film that, even if completely disconnected from the real-life crime, doesn't have anything worthwhile about its filmmaking or execution to justify its existence. The film is clearly nothing more than an attempt to ride on the name recognition of the infamous murder victim, doing a disservice to Nicole Brown Simpson herself. Somehow, it isn't surprising that this director also released similar films about Sharon Tate, Ted Bundy, and Aileen Wuornos.

8 'Music' (2021)

Image via VerticalImage via Vertical

One of the most disappointing aspects of a film like Music is that, while it's clear just how many good intentions were placed in wanting to portray a good message for young people with autism, the final product instead feels more like a gross perpetuation of ignorant stereotypes. While the potential was certainly there to tell a feel-good musical about the autism experience, nearly every aspect not only fails at actualizing its core message but actively detracts and does damage instead.

The entire film is in a weird sort of limbo, considering that Sia, the international pop star sensation and writer/director, was diagnosed with autism herself years after the film was released. However, even with this hindsight and additional context, Music is such a deeply uncomfortable and painful viewing experience that I simply wouldn't recommend it to anyone with functioning ears. Frankly, one would have a much better time just listening to "Chandelier" and "Titanium" on loop for 107 minutes instead of watching Music.

7 'The Turning' (2020)

Flora in The Turning.Image via Universal Pictures

After so many banal and forgettable jump-scare-reliant paranormal films that dominated horror throughout the 2010s, one would hope that one of the first horror films of the new decade would reiterate and distinguish itself from its predecessors. However, The Turning manages to be one of the worst cases of overreliance on tropes and clichés that modern horror has to offer, worsened by one of the absolute dumbest stories imaginable and cheap scares that leave minimal impact.

The Turning genuinely has nothing to offer that hasn't been explored ad nauseam for decades before, with its painfully generic execution making it that much more forgettable and barren. Even talented stars like Mackenzie Davis and Finn Wolfhard aren't enough to save the film, as the writing is so far removed from anything close to intelligent storytelling that it's impossible to make an even half-decent performance out of the material.

6 'Leonard Part 6' (1987)

Image via Columbia Pictures

It isn't exactly a surprise that, due to the heinous nature and reputation that Bill Cosby has nowadays, the vast majority of his films have aged like a gallon of milk that had been left out to fester for weeks. However, even before his criminal conviction, Leonard Part 6 was a dastardly, unwatchable comedy that sees the once celebrated comic at his absolute worst. The '80s comedy failure does very little to capitalize on its spy parody concept, instead feeling like a random selection of scrapped jokes stitched together in a loose attempt to tell a story.

With a complete lack of any effective jokes or story to be told, Leonard Part 6 is an absolute slog to sit through that grows more painful and dull the longer it goes on. As if Cosby's D-tier leftover material wasn't bad enough, it feels as though nobody else in the film cares about the product whatsoever, creating a painfully boring comedy experience. Leonard Part 6 genuinely may work better as white noise to help someone fall asleep instead of a comedy meant to make people laugh.

5 'The Lion King' (2019)

Jon Favreau's The Lion King stands out greatly as not only the most successful film on this list, but also the one that has been the most well-received by traditional audiences. However, especially as someone who has grown a deep respect and care for the 1994 original, I can't see this modern remake as anything but a complete bastardization of one of Disney's best films.

Any sense of personality or charm that the original film had has been completely removed in this remake, with aspects like the vocal performances, pacing, and musical numbers all being a direct downgrade from the original. The absolute worst crime that the film commits, however, is its visual style. The photorealistic, National Geographic style of animation seems pretty at first, but directly detracts from any emotional weight or impact the film could have. If someone wants to look at realistic animals, they should just watch a nature documentary, and if they want to watch The Lion King, there is zero reason to watch this film over the original masterpiece.

4 'Baby Geniuses' (1999)

Two young toddlers sit next to each other with toys in the background in Baby Geniuses.Image via Sony Pictures Releasing

While several notoriously awful films come with the sting of disappointment and misplaced expectations in wanting something great, it's hard to imagine anyone expecting anything more than bottom-of-the-barrel slop out of Baby Geniuses. It provides exactly the type of brainless filmmaking that one would expect out of a film about hyper-intelligent babies, worsened by an array of bad practical effects and aggressively annoying infant characters.

The terrible family movie is the type of film that seems like it would be a dumb, fun watch at first before devolving into an experience of pure pain and boredom. It stretches the appeal and cute factor of infants to their absolute limits, feeling like a meticulously psyop contraceptive ad over an actual theatrical release meant to appeal to adults and children alike. The only thing more painful than the film itself is the fact that it managed to be enough of a success to earn 4 different sequels of similarly dismal quality.

3 '365 Days' (2020)

Michele Morrone as Massimo Torricelli and Anna Marie Sieklucka as Laura Biel chained to a bed in 365 DaysImage via Netflix

The very existence of the erotic thriller shows that there will be a fascination and market for seeing more sexually charged, sensual material in a feature-length film. However, 365 Days takes this to an absolute extreme, at times feeling less like an actual film and more like a feature-length non-stop barrage of problematic power fantasy erotica. For someone like me who looks for more than just nudity and sex scenes in an erotic thriller, 365 Days has nothing to offer aside from its abysmally disgusting story and theming.

It's this story that transforms the film from being a subpar bore to an actively uncomfortable and sickening experience, as its Stockholm syndrome kidnapping plot makes all of its sex scenes feel deeply unsettling. Those who are watching the film for some deeply explicit sequences could simply get the same experience out of an actual NC-17 thriller that would give some emotional impact to such moments. As it stands, 365 Days is a passionless and soulless so-called romance film that is even worse than its already dismal reputation.

2 'Finding Jesus' (2020)

A still from the animated film 'Finding Jesus' featuring the fish character, Muggles.Image via WOWNow Entertainment

Animation consistently stands as one of the most impressive and versatile methods of storytelling that film has to offer, yet lazy, bargain bin garbage like Finding Jesus is a spit in the face of the very medium of animation. The unwatchable animated film does the absolute minimum with its filmmaking and storytelling at every opportunity; it has only about 1 minute of original animation, as it cycles between the same screensaver gifs for 69 minutes of pure boredom.

It almost feels like an audiobook over an actual film, with the content of the film growing tired and uninteresting before it even begins. It doesn't take long before the non-stop barrage of fish and aquatic animals talking about the teachings of god either puts you to sleep or bores you to the point of turning it off early. However, it's actually a blessing in disguise, as those who don't sit through the full film don't have to bear witness to one of the most absurd racist caricatures in recent memory: a talking piece of sushi with a terribly bad asian accent.

1 'Slaughtered Vomit Dolls' (2006)

Image via Unearthed Films/Kingdom of Hell Productions

While Finding Jesus only barely meets the qualifications of a feature-length film, Slaughtered Vomit Dolls is the type of infamous non-stop barrage of pain and sadism that could only truly be enjoyed by deeply disturbed minds. It's the exact type of over-the-top, gory wannabe snuff film that people associate with franchises like Saw and Terrifier, yet even those films knew how to have fun with their gore and violence. Vomit Dolls is an overwhelming display of bodily fluids, dismemberment, hallucinations, and abuse doesn't have anything to say with its filmmaking or any real goals aside from disturbing the audience with its visuals.

The film simply goes against everything that I appreciate and love about the craft of film and its ability to bring new experiences and thematic brilliance with each experience. Much like the rest of Lucifer Valentine's sickly depraved films, Slaughtered Vomit Dolls spits in the face of artistic integrity and is content to aggravate and disturb as many people as possible, all so that it can win the title of "most disturbing film." Not only is there not a single good reason to actually sit down and watch the film, but there are about a hundred different reasons as to why you should never experience the pure evil of Slaughtered Vomit Dolls.

Slaughtered Vomit Dolls Unrated Horror Drama Release Date February 14, 2006 Runtime 71 minutes Director Lucifer Valentine

Cast Ameara Lavey, Pam McCartney, Hank Skinny, Pig Lizzy, Maja Lee, Miss Pussy Pants, Allen Nasty Writers Lucifer Valentine Genres Horror, Drama Powered by Expand Collapse

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