Fixing Liverpool: How, Exactly?

Liverpool are in a load off trouble and, at the moment, it doesn’t look like Arne Slot – or, anyone, really – has any real sense of how to fix things. Yes, we all wish the players would all just do the thing better, whatever that thing at the moment they’re doing terribly might be. Also, maybe remember how to do simple things like put the ball in the opposing goal and keep it out of ours.

We’re fans with simple needs: for Liverpool to be an all-conquering team once more so that we can really rub it in the faces of smug Arsenal fans. (Side-note: I know City are terrible in all manner of ways but is it ok to suspend my disdain for at least one more year and hope that anyone but Arsenal win major trophies this season?)

Alas, Liverpool’s struggles at present are as wide as the Pacific and twice as deep. And while it might be tempting to uplift what appears a simple fix – choruses of “bench Florian Wirtz” and “sell Milos Kerkez” were doing rounds in October, for example, and Wirtz has been key to the few bright performances within this spell while Kerkez has shown signs of a solid improvement – the truth is, my guess as a non-professional and being wholly unaware as to what Slot would wish for his side to do is as good as anyone else’s.

In which case, I’ve got a list of non-professional prescriptives that may do the trick.

• Hire an exorcist. As a Catholic, it’s always good to blame Prince of Darkness and so I’m gonna start there. And if it’s not him, it’s Gary Neville’s fault.

• Go full total football. Ali as striker. Gakpo in goal. Ekitike as a destroyer (honestly, while he’s very clumsy in the tackle, this wouldn’t be too bad a shift, actually). Everything’s fair game. Keep rotating till we win again.

• Player-Coach. Maybe this is only for a “Break Glass in Case of Emergency” type of situation but we’re honestly not so far away from that are we?

• Pull a fan off of social media and give them a run. At the very least this would maybe get the more annoying fans to pipe down when the realize just how difficult a job it is to accurately gauge a 40 yard diagonal pass while a defender closes in on you.

A serious discussion – which is coming – would likely note the injuries which have hampered Slot’s ability to build out consistent XIs. And consistency would support integrating new players. When those players have all also come up injured during this campaign, well, it becomes easier to note how even if most of the team were in good form, there’d be a rough period coming. But Liverpool are facing all of this all while still carrying the loadstone which is the passing of Diogo Jota.

Maybe an exorcist or a bit of sage isn’t the answer. In truth, I believe Liverpool’s individual quality is such that they should be able to win more often than lose and certainly break out of this rut.

But, also, maybe it wouldn’t hurt to try?